WTF. Everyone knows Sachin.

Let’s be honest, anything that Sachin Tendulkar does makes news. And then there are times when he does nothing and still makes news.

Last week was one such week.

Five-time Grand Slam champion Maria Sharapova Mari-jaa-share-a-pauwa (true Indians don’t say that they know her) was bowed out of Wimbledon on Tuesday after being defeated by German Angelique Kerber, which is perfectly fine with most Indians who anyway watch these matches err highlights for perfect asses aces.

What happened next was more heart wrenching than Rakhi Sawant’s defeat in recently concluded laughter challenge Elections.

Share-a-Pauwa (which by the way you shouldn’t, I mean seriously how much is 180ml anyway?) went on record, saying “Sorry, don’t know who Sachin Tendulkar is”.

It is as criminal as Shakti Kapoor saying ‘Casting Couch?’

Anyway, this statement resulted in abrupt birth of #wehatesharapova #who-is-sharapova #longlivesachin and more such meaningful groups on all sort of social networking sites including Orkut. Yes! You read it right, Orkut. So much so that Orkut is now contemplating recalling all the ‘Goodbye’ mails they had sent out last week to all their existing members I don’t know who.

BJP have ordered inquiry in to the matter besides doing the obvious: Confirming Sharapova as ISI agent. Banning Tennis in the country. Maharastra khilwad Sena on the contrary have acted more sensibly by simply beating up anyone who is seen playing badminton. Coz they couldn’t find anyone playing Tennis in space crunched Mumbai. So what? Both Tennis and Badminton are played with rackets is their logic, which is fine by me. At least they have realized the importance of logic, without owing it.

There have been reactions from Cricket fraternity too. While Gagan Khoda is ecstatic, since Sharapova knows as much about him as Sachin, which for once makes them equal. Yuvraj on the other hand have been furious and have pleaded Sania Mirza to train hard, divorce Malik, and marry him instead. Virat Kohli has been visibly verbally upset ever since. Harbhajan Singh has promised that he will make a comeback to the Indian Team and take revenge for this insult by slapping Sreesanth again. A statement that left R. Ashwin and R. Jadeja in splits.

BCCI has declared that any Indian who beats Sharapova in a game of Tennis will be made BCCI president, which is their way of saying ‘Srinivasan will remain BCCI president till death’. Though few innocent unemployed Indian males have taken it seriously and have had their gender switched ever since and are training hard for their Wimbledon début against the Russian starlet.

This reminds me that the Drug Mafia Russians in Goa took necessary steps to safety by buying and wearing ‘we love Sachin’ t-shirts, caps and other merchandise. Few even got those cheap 20 bucks tattoos done. All this put the local Goans in a spot of bother as they unanimously asked ‘who is Sachin?’ why don’t you wear a Messi tee instead!!

And as I write, reports are coming in that Ralf Schumacher sent out a text to Sharapova ‘This Sachin is the same guy to whom my brother gifted his Ferrari and he sold it so some Gujju‘.

On a serious note, I think it is about time we stopped worrying whether Sharapova knows Sachin Tendulkar or not and rather concentrate on more important things in life, like Orkut!